What do you talk about when you talk about love? Do we love how we deserve it?
What do you talk about when you talk about love? DO WE LOVE HOW WE DESERVE IT? THIS WAY TO SEE THE RELATIONSHIPS SHALL CHANGE THE COMPLETE MEANING YOU GIVE THE WORD "LOVE" We use words to communicate all the time; However, most of the time we can not define its meaning, especially when it comes to abstract concepts.This is how we begin to speak without realizing that perhaps what we say does not correspond to what we mean. When we talk about love, this happens more easily, because to love we attribute behaviors and prejudices that are not necessarily loving and also do not start from our true beliefs. On the other hand, not all our interpretations of love are negative, for anyone who has made this leap of faith knows that love remains a mystery, perhaps the greatest mystery of human experience. This is what is explored by Thich Nhat Hanh, a monk, teacher, activist and Nobel Peace Prize nominee, in How to Love, a simple compilation of his best knowledge about the most complex and rewarding human potential. Also known as Thay ("master" in Vietnamese), this monk began as a peaceful activist during the Vietnam War, which is why he lived in exile for more than 30 years.
That is to say, Thay is an author who really knows what he is talking about, and to approach his texts it only takes one thing: layout. There is only to avoid falling into the Western pathology of cynicism - our mechanism of protection par excellence - that qualifies anything that is not conventional in our culture as simplistic, naive, hippie or unproductive.
And at the heart of the teachings of Nhat Hanh is the valuable idea that "understanding is the other name of love," that to love another means to fully understand his suffering. And here it is clear that although the word suffering sounds rather dramatic, for Buddhism refers to any source of deep dissatisfaction, whether physical, psycho- emotional or spiritual. So understanding and being understood is what everyone needs. Even if we understand it theoretically, we are usually caught in our own fixations, desires and thoughts. This prevents us from offering that expansive understanding. Hanh illustrates this mismatch of scales with a metaphor: If you pour a handful of salt into a glass of water, the water becomes imbecile. But if you pour the salt into a river, people can continue to draw the water for cooking, washing and drinking. The river is immense, and has the capacity to receive, embrace and transform. When our hearts are small, our understanding and compassion are limited, and we suffer. We can not accept or tolerate others and their deficiencies, and we demand that they change. But when our hearts expand, these same things do not make us suffer anymore. We have lots of understanding and compassion and we can embrace others. We accept others as they are, and then have the opportunity to transform.
The question then is how to cultivate our own heart, which begins with the commitment to understand and be aware of our own suffering: When we nourish and support our own happiness, we are nurturing our ability to love. That is why to love means to learn the art of nourishing our happiness. Understanding someone's suffering is the best gift you can give to another person. Understanding is the other name of love. If you do not understand, you can not love. However, we are accustomed and "programmed" socially to imitate patterns of behavior where "loving" relationships are not expressed lovingly or comprehensively but are the reflection of our fears and prejudices, and this is transmitted in our emotional education without Let us be aware of it: If our parents did not love or understand each other, how can we know what love is like? The most precious inheritance that parents can give their children is their own happiness. Our parents may be able to leave us money, houses and land, but they may not be happy people. If we have happy parents, we have received the richest inheritance of all. Nhat Hanh points out the transcendental difference between infatuation - which replaces any real understanding of the other with a fantasy of who it may be for us - and true love: Often, we fall in love with someone not because we really love and understand it, but to distract ourselves from our suffering. When we learn to love and understand ourselves and have real compassion for ourselves, then we can really love and understand another person. And this not only happens in the relationships of couples but occurs in any interpersonal relationship, because from the incomplete understanding of ourselves arise our illusory infatuations, which Nhat Hanh captures with wisdom and ingenuity: Sometimes we feel empty; We feel a void, a great lack of something. We do not know the cause, it is very vague, but that feeling of being empty inside is very strong. We hope and hope for something better, so we will feel less alone, less empty. The desire to understand ourselves and to understand life is a deep thirst. There is also the deep thirst of being loved and loving. We are ready to love and be loved. It is very natural. But because we feel empty, we try to find an object of our love. Sometimes we have not had time to understand ourselves, but we have already found the object of our love. When we realize that all our hopes and expectations, of course, can not be fulfilled by that person, we still feel empty. You want to find something, but you do not know what to look for. In all there is a continuous desire and expectation; Deep down, you still expect something better to happen. That's why you check your email many times a day! On the other hand, true and true love is rooted in four elements: loving kindness, compassion, joy and equanimity. The first of them addresses this dialogical relationship between our own suffering and our ability to fully understand our loved ones: The essence of loving-kindness is to be able to offer happiness. You can be the sun for someone else. You can not offer happiness until you have it for yourself. So build a home within yourself by accepting yourself and learning to love and heal. Learn to practice mindfulness in such a way that you can create moments of happiness and joy for your own food. So you have something to offer the other person. [...] If you have enough understanding and love, then every moment - whether at breakfast, while driving, watering the garden, or doing anything else in your day - can be a moment of joy.
This interrelation of the self and the other is also manifested in the fourth element, equanimity, the Sanskrit word for which upeksha also translates as "inclusiveness" and "non-discrimination": In a deep relationship, there is no longer a boundary between the other person and you. You are her and she is you. Your suffering is your suffering. Your understanding of your own suffering helps your loved one suffer less. Suffering and happiness are no longer individual matters. What happens to your loved one happens to you. What happens to you happens to your loved one. [...] In true love, there is no more separation or discrimination. Your happiness is your happiness. You can no longer say, "That's your problem." Thich Nhat Hanh. Http://nueva-gaia.blogspot.com.